Yes, I Want You To Notice I’m Fat Before Liking Me On Tinder

Online dating as a bigger woman can be brutal. I’ve been called a “fatty” or “fat bitch” by men on Tinder, or told that men would only have sex with me as a favor, because men could never be attracted to someone my size. I’m not insecure about my appearance, but when I first got into online dating, I found myself obsessing over my weight in an entirely different way. I worried my pictures made me look thinner than I actually am, and men would call me out for “lying” about my size. On sites like OkCupid, where you have to fill out a series of questions relating to sex, dating, and personality, I’d preemptively check how a guy answered questions like “would you date someone who is overweight? I eventually got over this, and I realized I’d created problems for myself that didn’t need to exist. But I was intrigued when I heard about WooPlus , a new dating app for plus-sized men and women to date freely, without the fear of being fat-shamed. According to Michelle Li, one of the co-founders of WooPlus, the idea for the app came after viewing a viral “social experiment” video, where men reacted viciously to being set up on a Tinder date with a woman who ended up being fatter than she appeared in her photos. This same video cites a study that says women’s greatest fear in heterosexual dating is that they’ll be matched with a serial killer, and men’s greatest fear is that they’ll be matched with a woman who is fat.

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But I also start with these words to make clear to potential dates an undeniable truth: I am fat. And yes, I want you to notice my body size before you Like me. When I initially ventured onto Tinder in , my first-date jitters centered around whether or not the people I matched with knew I was fat. I fretted that matches would arrive to our date, shake my hand, and be shocked at the fat woman in front of them.

Every time I opened Tinder to find multiple new matches, I questioned why anyone was Liking a plus-pound woman. My internal narrative was always the same: Something must be wrong. My pictures must be deceiving. But as I went on more dates, I was forced to interrogate my feelings about my body time and again. As a result, I soon gained confidence in my appearance — fat body included.

Styling myself for dates with cute clothing and fierce makeup helped reframe my perspective. Like many others, I used fashion and beauty to feel like my sexiest self. And once I started feeling attractive and confident in myself, I began recognizing how potential partners could find me attractive, too.

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If you are a plus size or fat person, you know how difficult it is to date. Tinder is notorious for its users fat shaming , and this video shows how people react to their real-life dates being bigger than what they expected. Not great.

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